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With aging comes change, and sexual function is one part of that change. Though the senior body may not function exactly the way it used to, seniors can and should enjoy the intimacies and pleasures of closeness with another person. The physical changes that seniors experience don’t have to mean that intercourse and intimacy are out of the question. These changes just mean that seniors need to make adjustments. If seniors accept the stereotype that they can’t or won’t have a healthy physical and emotional sex life, they risk losing one of the most important parts of their lives – and their health.
Intimate physical and emotional connections are natural and healthy. An article by Geriatric Nursing states that, “intimacy consists of five distinct components: commitment, mutuality (interdependence), emotional intimacy (includes caring, positive regard), cognitive intimacy (includes thinking about the other, shared values), and physical intimacy (ranging from closeness to intercourse). Intimacy exists but is expressed differently among siblings, between friends, and between parent and child.” Intimacy in later years stimulates the body much like exercise does.
“Individuals with strong, functioning sexual and intimate relationships will have better trajectories of health and well-being than those whose relationships function less well or who lack such relationships,” wrote Linda J. Waite of the University of Chicago in a special supplemental issue of The Journals of Gerontology. The 2005 and 2006 studies in this issue were part of the National Social Life, Health, and Aging Project conducted at the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago.
The University of Chicago study surveyed 3,000 seniors about their sexual habits. In the study’s youngest age group, 57 to 64 years old, 84 percent of men and 62 percent of women reported having intercourse with a partner in the last year. The oldest age group, ages 75 to 85, reported only 38 percent of men and 17 percent of women having intercourse. Even though the findings show that fewer people are engaging in sexual activity as they age, ultimately the survey participants presented an optimistic view of sex and aging.
“You should continue to have good sex for the same reason you should continue to get good exercise: It’s taking care of yourself. Wake up your body again if it has been shut down,” says Joani Blank, MPH, author of Still Doing It: Women and Men Over 60 Write About Their Sexuality.
“People who are older get very little support from the younger generation about sex. Sex is good for you,” says the 63-year-old Blank, a sex educator for more than 25 years.
Adult children can help their senior parent get started in a healthy sex life. It might be difficult for some to imagine that their parent would be interested in engaging in these types of activities.
However, it’s these actions that will improve their physical and emotional health.
How to Help Your Senior Parent
Seniors may need guidance in this area. As indicated by the University of Chicago study, many seniors have not thought about having sex or intimate relationships for a long time. As uncomfortable as it may be for an adult child and for the senior to discuss sex, better overall health is really the goal. It stands to reason that a senior’s life will be better if their sexual needs are being met. When adult children are preparing to discuss sex with their parent, they should consider the senior’s physical limitations, moral and religious preferences, and personal history. The adult child will become a compassionate resource for their parent if the approach is personalized in this way. Here are some tips for helping seniors find out what they really want with respect to sexual contact and intimacy.
Learn About the Aging Body
It is easier to understand what a senior loved one is going through if you know the specific changes the senior body experiences as it ages, including sexual functions. While every senior’s body is different, each one is probably more limited in sexual function than it used to be. This includes physical abilities and the level of emotional desires for intercourse or intimacy. Ask your senior loved one’s doctor what to expect from a person that age, or with the senior’s permission, find out the senior’s actual limitations from the doctor.
The physical changes of normal aging affect both men and women, which in turn modify sexual experience in later years. Even bodies that are otherwise healthy are subject to change. If a person has concerns, he or she should consult a physician. Here are the most common ways that the aging body changes in relation to sexual function:
Men – Erectile dysfunction (ED) is the loss of ability to have and keep an erection, and a delay in getting an erection. ED may also manifest as the need for more manual stimulation to achieve an erection; a prolonged “plateau” phase between erection and ejaculation; shorter and less forceful orgasms; rapid loss of penis firmness after ejaculation; and a long “refractory period,” or time interval before erection is able to be achieved again, even up to a week in very elderly men.
Women – The vagina can shorten and narrow, vaginal walls can become thinner and a little stiffer, and there is less secretion of vaginal lubrication.
Disease and illness can also affect a person’s ability to have and enjoy sex. These include arthritis, chronic pain, diabetes, heart disease, incontinence, and stroke. Certain medications for health issues such as hypertension and heart disease, and some surgeries such as prostate surgery, can interfere with normal sexual function as well.
The presence of medical devices such as a colostomy bag or even a senior’s thoughts or feelings about his or her own body may inhibit free sexual expression and discovery. If you are perceptive when it comes to these types of concerns, the senior will appreciate your thorough understanding and may feel more comfortable opening up to you.
Know your senior
Seek to truly understand what kind of sexual activity is important to your senior loved one. The senior may not be willing to communicate openly, so this may take time and many attempts. Assure them that you have their best interest at heart. The senior’s healthcare provider is also a good resource. If the senior won’t talk with an adult child about the topic of sex and intimacy, he or she may open up to a doctor. In that case, the role of the adult child is to provide access to the doctor.
Seniors themselves might not realize the importance of intimacy and sex for their own health. If that is the case, than you will have knowledge to guide them, because you have already done your homework on the subject of seniors, the changing body and sex. The senior may have perceived limitations that can actually be addressed with medical assistance or by learning how to communicate with their partners. With some patience and armed with knowledge, help your senior loved one understand the health benefits associated with the right balance of sex and intimacy in his or her life.
A sex talk is vital
Times have changed since many of today’s seniors have been sexually active, and many seniors may have only been with one sexual partner. Talking with seniors about how sex is different and can be more dangerous in today’s times is essential for their own health. Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are an important topic, especially because HIV/AIDS is fast becoming the most common STD among the senior population.
Doctors and the pamphlets and brochures from their offices are always good resources. You can pass along pamphlets or brochures to a senior who is considering sexual activity again, which saves you from having to find the right words to talk about sex and STDs. In addition, these resources may carry more clout in the senior’s eyes because they are coming from a medical professional.
The keys to continued pleasure and ultimate satisfaction
Seniors can definitely find a way to have a happy and fulfilling sex life. The keys are creativity and open communication between partners. Realize that arousal takes longer and that you need to make adjustments for bodies that operate a bit differently now. Engage all of the senses in the experience. Explore which tactile, visual, auditory, and olfactory aspects intimacy give both partners pleasure. Sex doesn’t have to mean intercourse; it just needs to provide comfort and satisfaction for the people involved. Regular communication about what is important to both partners helps to keep the intimacy and sex life alive.
Just because the body is not able to have sex like it used to, doesn’t mean that it can’t. By taking the right medications or creating new ways to be intimate, seniors can take advantage of their new sexuality if they know how. As an adult child or friend, finding time to talk at length with a senior about his or her desires, and ultimately creating more opportunities for intimacy and appropriate sexual engagement, may be just what the doctor ordered.
Blessings for Seniors makes it possible for older adults to enjoy the comforts of their own home for as long as possible. We offer a customized care plan that includes services such as; Hourly Senior Home Care, 24-Hour Home Care, Dementia Care, Personal Care and Companion Care. Also ask us about our Veterans’ Home Care program.
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